I Hate Being A Slug

I feel like a total slug. I've only done 30 minutes on the Wii the past two days. Yesterday however, I shitted out and did only two aerobics (one of which was Free Step tho!) , a few yoga and the rest was balance games. Balance games I usually only do a few to top off my 60 minutes because I view them as redundant as far as exercise. Free Step I've realized is the culprit in my hips and thighs SCREAMING at me. They hurt like....BAD. I can't get comfortable at night because of the discomfort. Hopefully on Tuesday when I see my practioner we can discuss things and figure out what's my best course of action. I should have blood work done to make sure my cholesterol isn't about to kill me. I don't even know what it is but I'm sure it's terrible. So scary to face these things after running for so long from them.

I don't dare step on the scale. I'm sure I've gone backwards. I seem to be on this weird yo-yo. Then again I need to remember weight can fluctuate through out the day. Even the Wii Board tells me to do my body tests at the same time everyday because of that. However, when I'm obsessed with something, I'll do it a hundred times a day. Probably not the wisest move. Then again, it's stupid moves that have landed me in this fat suit. That is very much how I view my body. Like this big ol' fat suit I can't take off. My insides do not match my outside. I still feel like that 130lb girl I was in highschool. I may never be her again, but I am not going to be this person either. My goal isn't even a weight number. It's a clothing size number. Once I hit that size, it's not longer trying to lose but maintain. I don't have to be one of those skinny tooth pick girls. I never was. I just want to walk into a store and shop on the side that has all the pretty, trendy styles instead of the flower covered mu-mu section. Is that too much to ask? When I wear pink I want it to look good, not like I'm a piece of Bazooka blown to it's limit ya know?

So here I am, getting off my lazy butt and firing up the Wii for another day of torture. But good torture that makes me feel like I've done something in this war against fat!