I can completely pinpoint the moment I gave up and said fuck it. I saw Cecy for my followup and she gave me a prescription for Meridia. I was on the fence about it, but leaning towards it because I've plateaued and needed something to boost up my willpower and desire. I was excited and hopeful and put all my eggs in that one basket. My insurance company however emptied that basket in one swoop. Denied. Did I have the $168 out of pocket? Hell no. I'm swimming in bills with no relief in sight. Brad was all in my corner in the beginning and is starting to slip... and I feel he is taking me with him. "Just a bite" he'll say... and I don't have the willpower to keep the shit out of my mouth. I don't feel the support from anyone really... like everyone is waiting patiently for me to fail. My mother especially who constantly sits on the couch shoveling something in. Yet, she can barely lift her legs high enough to even get on the couch now. It's so hard. So unbelievably hard.... and having that prescription be denied was the icing on the cake. Literally.
Friday night was Aidan's party. I ate pizza. I ate frosting off the top of a cupcake but not the cake itself. Saturday I did okay, but Sunday was Easter. Ham, candied (with Splenda brown sugar) sweet potatoes, rolls... all of which doesn't sound too bad, but then I had Hawiian Wedding cake. All in ridiculous portions. Did I exercise? Nope. Didn't Friday either because Brad was home and gave me a hard time about it.
I'm so depressed and in need of comfort I could eat my way into oblivion. Cecy never called me back either, so I don't know what she has in mind. I'm dangerously close to saying fuck it all and finishing off that cake =[
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